April fool

It is time again for all social deviants to come out from under their rocks long enough to perpetrate their sadistic cruelty on unsuspecting friends and family members. Hooray! I’m not sure when we decided that practical jokes were worthy of a holiday.

I think we’ve already established that I’m gullible. If you tell me there’s a cookie for me on the other side of this shark-infested lake, I’ll get out my snorkel and my shark repellent.

Yesterday, I was treated to being introduced to a publisher. (My dream come true!) So there I am in the dry goods aisle of Wal-Mart, talking to “my publisher” on the phone and feeling all important. Turns out this publisher wanted $2,500 of the money I’d set aside for beans and Cheez-Whiz, so she could turn me into a successful entrepreneur. In exchange she would help me establish my own publishing company, sell me my own books at cost, and consult with me: the trifecta of “bend over.”

If I did this, how could I afford to make my famous redneck nachos? In the end, my book deal opportunity lost out to fat and carbohydrates. Lesson learned: don’t get between a woman and her processed cheese food.

I’ve been kicking around the idea for a while of going indie – self publishing. If done right, it can bring in enough money so that you can support your salsa addiction. If done wrong, you’ll find yourself at Wal-Mart at 3:00 AM stocking salsa. I see that as a win-win situation.

Since I didn’t jump on this opportunity, I guess I won’t get the coveted April Fool award this year. I’m not sure how I thought that I could compete with Sarah Palin anyway. It was a long shot at best.

Actually I think the award has to go to a young author who recently received a mixed review on her book. Apparently she’s a really good storyteller, and a really bad speller. She went off on the man who reviewed her book as a favor to her. We’re talking F-word, paranoid, total meltdown. Her reaction has already gone viral on the internet and the sharks are circling.

Maybe I’ll lend her my snorkel, and see if they’re hiring at Wal-Mart. As long as she stays away from my Cheez-Whiz, we’ll get along fine.

10 thoughts on “April fool

  1. ..”don’t get between a woman and her processed cheese food.” Oh gosh, ain’t it the truth!
    As for the lady who went off on her reviewer….she’ll probably sell millions of books now. Marketing is a fickle thing.

    • It’s true that marketing is a fickle thing, but I suspect that woman got herself blackballed right out of getting any industry or fellow writer help whatsoever …

  2. I think I agree with both Terri and Mark…she’ll probably sell lots of books because everyone will want to know how BAD she really is…and then, nothing…no one will buy another thing from her…

    As for Cheez Whiz…I’ll send it all to you…G-r-o-ssssssssss!!! LOL

  3. I think pranks are worthy of a holiday! I already got my daighter four times today! Is that bad?
    Yeah, that woman…I’m still laughing about her reaction. I don’t think an author should ever respond to negative reviews! But I’m glad she did. It’s quite entertaining. I sure as hell won’t buy her books. I’m sure embarrassing excerpts will be all over the net in no time!

  4. Wow, typos in my comment….I guess that’s karma for making fun of that author!

  5. Ha ha! Great post! I probably need a job at Wal-Mart since my book is months from being ready to send out into the publishing world with my hopes and dreams attached for company.

  6. Could I get the recipe for thoe Redneck Nachos?

    Please post it on my site my computer is acting worse than normal, maybe time to upgrade to the Commodore 64 and the floppy disc drive this Vic 20 and tape drive just isn’t cutting it anymore!

    And no April Fool joke, but I got to make you a winner!

  7. Yeah…I want to make Redneck Nachos, too!

    Karla, indie is the only way to fly!

  8. Mike, snow in Connecticut on the first of April isn’t an April Fool’s gag by mother nature…. it’s a gift!

    I’ve seen the meltdown by the nutcase in question… what a way to blow up your writing career!

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