As I write this, my head is stuck in the down position. While that’s not a problem for working at the computer or overhauling the engine of a classic ’54 Thunderbird (robin’s egg blue), it scores no points for doing…well, anything else. Also complicating the issue is that I don’t own a classic T-bird. Continue reading
Gerald and I would be walking buddies
Wanted: Walking buddy for, well…walking. Must be willing to face down very large snakes and alligators (actually, the gators are medium size), scramble across loose boulders, balance on muddy logs, traverse steep leafy slopes, and keep up with a Doberman with legs longer than your own. May include getting sprayed by said Doberman after he swims in alligator and snake infested water. Serious applicants only need apply. Continue reading
Birthday blues
My blogs are generally about life from the vantage point of a 50-something, neurotic, hormonally challenged woman. That would be me. This week my oldest daughter is turning 30. I think that under the circumstances, the only reasonable response is, “What the hell?!” Continue reading
Using those Google words
I have a dictionary that may or may not have been borrowed from a branch of the US military service (depending on who asks), and was published before anyone could find Viet Nam on a map. Ironically, this book of words came out just as I was learning to read. Continue reading
Die with a t
As I looked over the list of desirable foods for my new diet, it read like a who’s who of edibles that cause emissions better blamed on the dog. I’ve taken to feeding Colt leftover beans to help validate my claims. On the plus side, I can eat all the parsnips that I want. Unfortunately, I’m not even sure what a parsnip is. Continue reading
Spamalot
Today is 1/11/11, which is binary for 3,156,216, carry the 2. Nostradamus warned that this would be the year of the spammer. SEO engines the world over are churning out messages in ancient Mesopotamian to confound innocent bloggers who are just trying to make a living by posting ineffectual ads on their websites. I currently have a 3¢ credit with Google Adsense. Continue reading
It won’t be pretty
First, congratulations to Joan Oliver Emmer, winner of the great cookie giveaway. Joan was chosen at random from the website’s subscribers to receive two dozen homemade cookies of her choice. I’ll be baking the cookies tonight, just in time to eat the broken pieces before my first Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow. Hurray, Joan!
A friend of mine once told me that anything worth doing, is worth doing half-assed. I’ve taken that to heart. That’s how I found myself slumped down in a beat-up Plymouth Sundance, an Ikea bookshelf wedged in and sticking out over my head, with my daughter crumpled up on the back floor in the only available space. Halfway home I heard her announce, “I feel so ghetto.” Obviously, I didn’t think that one through. Continue reading
The Laughing Trapeze Ezine
Announcing the launch of a new humor ezine! Enjoy the funniest literature, cartoons, and fiction that money can’t buy. See the submissions page to learn how you can get your own humorous stories published. The Laughing Trapeze Ezine is all original work that you won’t find anywhere else. Click on the link above to add some laughter to your day.
Where the Buffalo roam
What genius in the 20’s decided that Lysol was the ideal douche? I can’t imagine who would line up to test that particular use for a household cleaner. Even in this day and age, there may be products out there that are touted as being the best fungicide, hemorrhoid cream, laxative, or processed cheese food without the benefit of proper research by focus groups. By the way, any cheese that needs the word “food” in the title is immediately suspect. Since I’m an empty-nester with a four footed baby, I was concerned mainly with canine candy. Continue reading
The third eye
The Fool
“Your psychic abilities are on the rise.” This, from a woman who did Tarot Card readings for pets. I had brought my camera so I could record my dog’s card reading for hours of hilarity later. Unfortunately, Colt was not giving off the vibes that day, and the reading turned to me. Continue reading