Gerald and I would be walking buddies

Wanted: Walking buddy for, well…walking. Must be willing to face down very large snakes and alligators (actually, the gators are medium size), scramble across loose boulders, balance on muddy logs, traverse steep leafy slopes, and keep up with a Doberman with legs longer than your own. May include getting sprayed by said Doberman after he swims in alligator and snake infested water. Serious applicants only need apply. Continue reading

Die with a t

As I looked over the list of desirable foods for my new diet, it read like a who’s who of edibles that cause emissions better blamed on the dog. I’ve taken to feeding Colt leftover beans to help validate my claims. On the plus side, I can eat all the parsnips that I want. Unfortunately, I’m not even sure what a parsnip is. Continue reading

Spamalot

Today is 1/11/11, which is binary for 3,156,216, carry the 2. Nostradamus warned that this would be the year of the spammer. SEO engines the world over are churning out messages in ancient Mesopotamian to confound innocent bloggers who are just trying to make a living by posting ineffectual ads on their websites. I currently have a 3¢ credit with Google Adsense. Continue reading

It won’t be pretty

First, congratulations to Joan Oliver Emmer, winner of the great cookie giveaway. Joan was chosen at random from the website’s subscribers to receive two dozen homemade cookies of her choice. I’ll be baking the cookies tonight, just in time to eat the broken pieces before my first Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow. Hurray, Joan!

A friend of mine once told me that anything worth doing, is worth doing half-assed. I’ve taken that to heart. That’s how I found myself slumped down in a beat-up Plymouth Sundance, an Ikea bookshelf wedged in and sticking out over my head, with my daughter crumpled up on the back floor in the only available space. Halfway home I heard her announce, “I feel so ghetto.” Obviously, I didn’t think that one through. Continue reading

Where the Buffalo roam

What genius in the 20’s decided that Lysol was the ideal douche? I can’t imagine who would line up to test that particular use for a household cleaner. Even in this day and age, there may be products out there that are touted as being the best fungicide, hemorrhoid cream, laxative, or processed cheese food without the benefit of proper research by focus groups. By the way, any cheese that needs the word “food” in the title is immediately suspect. Since I’m an empty-nester with a four footed baby, I was concerned mainly with canine candy. Continue reading