Butterflies and unicorns

rainbowshitingunicorn

Space abhors a vacuum. I’m on a campaign to keep a more positive outlook. That leaves me with a challenge. When I look at the harsh realities of life, how do I keep from regurgitating the bile of negativity onto the shoes of the innocent reader?

 That blank screen mocks me. In desperation, I look up the length of the average small intestine (23 feet). Calm down, take a breath. I absolutely refuse to write about heinous atrocities like peeing in the shower, or the Rolling Stones going on tour again.

Sometimes I just look up to the sky and say two simple words: “Thank you.” It always makes me smile. It’s not that fake smile you paste on your face before going into Uber Mart, so you don’t throttle the woman who refuses to move her cart while she’s looking for the perfect hair color. I just want a shower cap, for Pete’s sake. Move your fat … cart. (ahem)

In a world full of construction zones with ridiculously slow speed limits, bright orange and white barrels, and no visible workers constructing, it’s hard to keep your blood pressure down. This is an obvious metaphor for                                 (fill in your own crappy stuff).

I’m swearing off downers like newspapers, egg salad sandwiches, and re-runs of Survivor. To fill the void, I’ve been reading more. In the end, the guy gets the girl, the hero overcomes all obstacles, and everyone lives happily ever after. You couldn’t ask for better than that unless aliens came down and abducted Justin Bieber.

So try looking for the good in others (except that lady at Uber Mart). I promise you, it’s better than learning about the gastrointestinal system.

24 thoughts on “Butterflies and unicorns

  1. Thank you for entertaining me today! Love your blog and thanks for visiting mine via Indies Unlimited. Look forward to reading your posts as I plan to subscribe!

  2. You’re right. Not all rainbows spew from the ass of unicorns. Positive thinking takes many forms and this is a great time to embrace it! Egg salad’s not that bad. 🙂

    • You like egg salad? I bet you also wear your socks to bed. What else are you hiding from me?

  3. I’m the poster child for positivity. A fossil version of Pollyanna, if you will. It is my life’s mantra and sometimes it drives people close to me…nuts. Can’t help who I am. It’s better than spewing hatred and arrogance. Maybe we should start a club.

  4. Some people see the glass as half empty, some see it as half full. I see it as half full of polluted, toxic water! As you can see I’m not an optimist but I try to look on the bright side via humor. Keep making me laugh so I don’t turn to the dark side!

  5. I like egg salad sandwiches, actually…

    Biebs would get tossed out of the UFO before the aliens passed Saturn…

    • Glad you stopped by. Seems like we have a lot in common – menopause for one. 🙂

  6. Hi Mom;

    Finally got to sit down and check out your most recent blog entries. Thanks for letting the world know about my snorting while laughing issue. I love you. 🙂

    • It’s my duty as a mother to make sure you don’t get the big head. I take that very seriously. 🙂

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