Photo safaris have become a hit among newly retired seniors. Many of our generation were regular devotees of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom every Sunday. What can rival the grace of a gang of angry baboons chasing co-host, Jim Fowler while Marlin Perkins offers his whispered narration from off scene?
“Jim will now attempt to avoid the razor sharp teeth of these majestic creatures by swimming across the crocodile-infested Magombo river.”
You can always save money by hunting for big game closer to home. I went to visit my daughter one day when she was just waking up. As a string of profanity pierced the morning calm, I rushed into her room. There, in the corner was a huge hole in her wall. There was debris from the rack, mixed with leaves, wallboard, and insulation on the floor. The mess had been tracked from the hole into the room, trailing under the bed, where Michelle had been sleeping soundly all night.
We flew into action by jumping on her bed, to avoid the razor sharp teeth of the mystery critter. Judging by the size of the hole and the height of the chew marks on what was left of her laundry rack, this thing was a beast!
We spent the remainder of the day hiding out in her backyard, trying to imagine what kind of super rat or stealth opossum could blunder in under the radar. Part two of the master plan was to come up with names for the mystery creature. We decided on Bubba.
When the animal removal expert (as seen on the Animal Planet channel) surveyed the damage, he remarked, “#x*&%! We’re going to need a bigger cage.” I would have liked a picture of Bubba in his natural habitat to add to my photo safari album. I just don’t know if Jim Fowler would be able to fit under the house.