So you’ve finished your traditional meal of turkey with the giblet bag mysteriously left inside. Once you come down from the high of taking straight shots of Redi Whip from the can, it’s time to get a jump start on the Xanax.
On Thanksgiving weekend we traditionally decorate the house, setting up our 4 foot fake Christmas tree with all the needles falling off. I grew up in the days before twinkle lights, when each Christmas light bulb weighed approximately as much as a fruitcake. Our tree is barely strong enough for our one working strand of twinkle lights and the three balls left over from years of the cat using them as punching bags.
After years of trial and error, we have developed a few decorating shortcuts. Trimming the tree is a group effort, with me holding the lights and hubby spinning the tree in circles. We have tinsel garlands left over from the Lincoln administration, which we artfully pile up on the coffee table in lieu of Martha Stewart pine boughs tied with cinnamon sticks. When we run out of Christmas balls, we supplement with fishing bobbers and treble hooks sporting colorful spinners. Neon gummy worms are optional.
Finally, I attempt to get on the piano and pound out one of my favorite Christmas carols, by Tom Lehrer, cleverly called, A Christmas Carol.
Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don’t say when.
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother here we go again.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy
As you prepare for this holiday season, don’t forget to spike the eggnog, followed by a long winter’s nap. Soon you can again be taking shots of Redi Whip and forgetting the giblets in the turkey.