Goodwill hunting

I have very little objection to shopping in thrift stores, other than the smell, disorganization, and cootie concerns. I’ve held off on buying new clothes until I lose weight, at which point, my present wardrobe will be in rags. I never understood why people would spend good money for distressed jeans. I like my jeans looking crisp and new, but my current pair is on Prozac.

Every time I think we’re getting a handle on our credit card balance, some new and expensive disaster arises … an abscessed tooth, car repairs, and most recently, canine phobias. I went out last week and ordered an area rug. “Area” is code for the size of a circus tent.

You see, my dog has developed a morbid fear of my hardwood floor. He stalls interminably when crossing from the rug to the hardwood. He gets trapped on the sofa, waiting for a spotter to help him stick the landing when dismounting. I can only guess that he must have slipped and hurt himself, since this only started two weeks ago.

I figured that if I got the ugliest rug they had, it wouldn’t set me back too badly. I looked at Astroturf and rugs that would make any sane person vomit on the spot. I finally settled on a simple pattern that would only cost as much as two years of visits to the nail salon. I don’t take great care of my personal appearance, but I prefer fingernails that don’t look like they’ve been chewed on by wolverines.

Clearly, something on my budget would have to give. Since my jeans now have butt ventilation, I’m going to have to start haunting the thrift stores. Women generally flock to size middle-aged spread like a hoard of locusts, leaving size zero and size Marlon Brando for the rest of us.

If you see me at the market and I’m wearing the clown pants that nobody else wanted, you’ll know why.

17 thoughts on “Goodwill hunting

  1. Don’t get me started on rugs! Thank goodness I’m at the age in my life where people expect a urine smell when they visit. 🙂

    Please wear a solid top with those pants! LOL

  2. I haven’t even gotten the rug yet and I’ve already bought the foam rug cleaner. I’m thinking a white shirt with hot pink polka dots.

  3. Could the dog wear dog shoes? Every once in a while, some morning show on tv will have dogs with shoes prancing around. Service dogs sometimes wear shoes if they are earthquake search dogs or have some other hazardous duty.

    • We tried some dog booties, but they kept falling off. Besides, then Colt wanted Air Jordan’s.

  4. You made me smile. My boys love to dance and skate across our wood floors. And I buy almost everything at thrift stores except for undies, socks, bras, and shoes. Major cootie factor there.

  5. Thanks for my giggle of the day, my friend. I needed that. As for Thrift Stores, I’m the one needing the middle aged spread size, and never find anything that conjures up an ounce of taste. I’m just not that into plaid and huge colorful flowers. Sadly, I guess, I’m limiting myself. But I’m handling it.

    • I’m trying to decide between argyle and paisley. I bet you could rock the corduroys!

  6. Rumor has it that the ghost of Marlon Brando would like to have a word with you.

    You may have trouble understanding him. He tends to mumble a lot.

  7. I don’t think I would refuse his offer. I’m allergic to severed horse’s heads.

  8. I love thrift stores, but they have to be reputable…I don’t like stores that smell funny, so if it does, I don’t go there. However, I did venture into the Salvation Army and St. Vincent de Paul stores to buy some cheap “knick-knacks” for our house…it had the same bare spots as your jeans…

  9. I used to buy jeans at Goodwill because they were nice and soft and broken in. But I’d go naked before I’d wear those clown pants!

  10. Karla, I know what you mean about things coming up. Always there is a bill for something or some strange problem or request! Always something is not in the budget, and you can imagine with my kids! Hope you find the perfect rug. And I agree with Norma about those pants– hideous!!

  11. I’ve found some nice shirts at Thrift Stores and by nice I mean by my standards which are really low. They’re not Prada. Good luck with the rug hunt.

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