What genius in the 20’s decided that Lysol was the ideal douche? I can’t imagine who would line up to test that particular use for a household cleaner. Even in this day and age, there may be products out there that are touted as being the best fungicide, hemorrhoid cream, laxative, or processed cheese food without the benefit of proper research by focus groups. By the way, any cheese that needs the word “food” in the title is immediately suspect. Since I’m an empty-nester with a four footed baby, I was concerned mainly with canine candy.
I found a website for a company that specializes in dog treats. http://www.bullysticks.com/ A local pet store clerk told me that bully sticks are made from cow tendons, which in some cases may be true. However, in its purest form, these canine treasures are made from a part of the cow seldom found in your grocer’s butcher section. Yes, I’m talking about bull wienies. This web company does not just slice, stretch and dry any old boy cow appendages. They specialize in free range wieners.
I get my dog food at a pet boutique. My product testing was extremely simple: find a brand that met enough nutritional requirements so my dog would not feel it necessary to eat his own poop. Now that I pay $60 a bag for primo dog chow, Colt has limited his extracurricular eating habits to random goose droppings on the nature trail, and grazing in the cat box. I’ll put that in the win column.
When weighing in on the best bully sticks, I’m at a loss. Is there a group that does taste testing to determine the best kind? Even the most pampered pooches will raid the garbage can for yesterday’s leftover fish sticks, so they’re not the best judges of fine epicurean penies. While people have been known to consider cojones as suitable for human consumption, I think you would be hard pressed to find volunteers to test the other white meat.
Since I have no way to be sure if my particular bull was domestic or free-ranging, I decided to try buffalo sticks by Canine Caviar. I paid my $4.69 for a single stick, and offered Colt a choice between the prime buffalo privates and a $1.00 corn dog from Sonic. And the winner was, battered and fried pig by-products of a questionable nature.
Given the choices, I wonder which one a product testing group would eat. Maybe they would just settle for the day-old fish sticks. Oh, and Dominos, if you stick people in a room to talk about pizza, and there are thousands of cow farts outside, don’t try to tell them they’re in a New York boardroom. You’re not fooling anyone.