Dromedaries gone wild

I’ve never been on the cutting edge of fashion. My normal winter attire consists of jeans, sweatshirts, rag socks, and a truly hideous fuzzy bathrobe. After menopause, my weight shot up 20 pounds, and I did what most women do: I kept a crowbar in the closet to pry myself into my jeans for as long as I could before giving up and buying a larger size.

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

I freely admit to sporting camel toes and muffin tops in the meantime. I’m not proud of it. Recently I’ve managed to lose five pounds, which equates to one bag of flour and a little shame. My jeans no longer feel like instruments of torture. (I’d sing like a canary if anyone so much as threatened me with the rack, scraping their fingernails on a blackboard, or liver and onions.)

My daughter told me about a friend who had to explain to her 80 year-old mother what camel toes are. I can only imagine the conversation.

Mom: I was watching Project Runway, and the judge said that those pants gave the model camel nails. I don’t get it. Why would leopard print remind him of a camel?

Daughter: You know when a woman wears tight pants? He’s referring to her yoo-hoo area. Ummm … when her lady parts bulge out around the crotch seam, they call it, you know, camel toes.

Mom: You’d think that skinny models would also have skinny beavers.

Daughter: Mom!!

The mother was delighted with this new addition to her vocabulary. Trips to Uber Mart were punctuated by a lady speeding through the aisles on her rascal and proudly announcing, “she shouldn’t be out in public with those camel nails.”

It would be hypocritical of me to pass judgment on Uber Mart shoppers, at least where it concerns their yoo-hoo area. I’ll just have to keep my thoughts to myself, while I’m in the dressing room trying on a larger pair of jeans

21 thoughts on “Dromedaries gone wild

  1. Not being a fashionista out here in the desert, I’m always happy to learn something new. LOL

    • Note to self: check shorts for tightness factor before summer, then lay in a supply of muumuus.

  2. Every day, I seek new information, in order to increase my personal knowledge-base and decrease (even if only a smidge) my chances of early dementia. For today, my search is over. I have added camel nails and yoo-hoo area to my vocabulary and now I can have that second cup of coffee and watch last night’s Dancing With the Stars. Thanks my friend. You rock my face off. Soooo funny!

    • Really? You’re going with camel nails to stave of dementia? You may be setting the personal growth bar a little low. 🙂

  3. I went to the gym and when I looked in the wall size mirror I was horrified to realize I had camel toe work out pants on! I tried to stretch out my T-shirt so it would cover the offending area but I don’t think it worked.

    • Lycra is the enemy of lady parts. And I just know that when I’m sporting the nether region knuckles, that’s where people’s eyes are drawn like a magnet. I just solve it by never wearing workout pants … or going to the gym.

    • I shushed my grandma once when she came out with something totally innapropriate in public one time. Seniors say the darnedest things.

    • My mom would be horrified to learn what a camel toe is, and she’d be checking in the mirror more often.

  4. Wow. Camel toes, yoo-hoo area, and crowbars for jeans. I’ll be sure to educate all women I know “of a certain age” with these important concepts. Funny stuff!

  5. Thanks for stopping by. I really enjoyed visiting your website today. We have a lot in common – like short term memory loss and … I forget the other thing.

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