I prefer to think of it as underinformed

I’ve never taken an IQ test, but let’s just say that while my sister was joining Mensa, I was joining the bowling league. In school, we didn’t have calculators. A slide rule was standard issue if you wanted to take trigonometry or calculus. I didn’t.

My lack of interest in current events is legendary. My husband reads the newspaper cover to cover every day. He tries to point out those articles that might interest me. Example: “Lakeland, Kansas to outlaw farting in public.” How well he knows me!

Nation’s dentists can’t make teeth any damn whiter. –The Onion

I’m not totally without intellectual stimulation. I’m drawn to jigsaw puzzles like a dog to vomit. (At least, my dog). They teach spatial concepts and pattern recognition, and you just can’t have too many pictures of a fluffy little kitten wearing a red bow.

As for learning new things, I’m still working on a book trailer. Today I’m on the hunt for a cute little dog that I can photograph. So when you read the story on page 26 in the local paper of a woman who got her foot gnawed off at the ankle by a miniature poodle, that’s me.

“News” would imply new things, but there’s a sameness to reporting that just leaves me cold. The other day I was reading Us magazine at the dentist’s. There was an article about Jennifer Lopez (as always). It went into her relationship with Ben Affleck. That was eight years ago, people, let’s move on. At this point, I’m not sure if I could muster enough interest in a story if she had a sex change operation.

It says something that my main source for Current events is The Daily Show, a fake news show on Comedy Central. That Jon Stewart is a cutie. Even so, you’d be waiting a long time if you asked me to name any of the Supreme Court Justices.

If it weren’t for doctors’ waiting rooms, I probably wouldn’t read anything newsworthy. Maybe I can read about J. Lo’s sex change operation today while I’m waiting in the emergency room to get my foot reattached.

15 thoughts on “I prefer to think of it as underinformed

  1. OK, so IF JLo wasn’t JLo, and had a sex change, I may as well jump back over the freaking fence. She’s the one I’ve been waiting for. Please Please don’t fracture my only dream left. LOL She’s dreamworthy, even if post-change. But oh gosh, say it isn’t so.
    Jon Stewart…umm maybe. Ben Afleck. Not a freaking chance.

    Funny stuff Ms. K! Happy Friday.

  2. I got my information from a man known for his journalistic integrity: Rupert Murdoch.

  3. Karla, you crack me up! Too funny! My husband reads the paper cover to cover, also. The most interesting part of the paper to me is the crossword puzzle!

  4. As the Mensa sister I have to out Karla. She graduated from high school with all A’s except one B. Her future (now former) mother-in-law gave her the only B. Despite the fact that I’m the older sister teachers used to compare me to her. Why can’t you study harder, like Karla? Why can’t you practice more, like Karla? For a while there I really hated her.

  5. If a doggie did hurt you then I wish you well, otherwise I’m voting for you in the next election. You sound so believable!

    • Even with the gaping holes in my knowledge of current events, I don’t suppose I could do much worse than the current administration.

  6. Given that the tabloids still think Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt will get back together, the JLo story isn’t all that surprising, is it?

  7. Rupert Murdoch, journalistic integrity? Did we step into the mirror universe when I wasn’t looking?

  8. Well, since JLo is on the outs with Marc, then I guess her being with Benny Boy isn’t such a stretch…however, it still cracks me up that any of this crap is considered newsworthy…!

  9. Grades don’t mean everything. What do you call someone who graduates at the bottom of their class from medical school? Doctor.

  10. That’s ok. I’m right with you on news. It’s like a book – it’s gotta catch my eye.

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