What are you not reading today?

I should run a contest. If you can successfully guess the number of magazines littering my coffee table, you win a one year subscription to Home and Dairy magazine. Adult content: the July issue has a centerfold of a Holstein in heat.

I don’t have a Kindle because the size I want costs about as much as a diamond bracelet, or two tanks of gas (for the savvy shopper). My TBR (to be read) book pile can be seen from the space station, and has been labeled a local tourist attraction.

My daughter goes to the used book store every day. She can work a full time job, paint the living room, run errands, tutor the kid down the street and read three novels in one day. It takes me that long to get my nails done and read my email. Obviously, time management isn’t my forte, but my nails look great.

Lately, I’ve mostly been reading labels, ever since I tried to brush my teeth with Gold Bond. You can’t be too careful. The front of the cereal box makes fascinating reading. I can try to figure out why “spin” is used as a noun while brushing up on my Spanish.

I don’t take my reading glasses with me wherever I go, so at restaurants I just point to the picture of the food I want. This causes a lot of confusion at fast food drive-throughs. Naturally, this is also when my daughter will send me an emergency text message about how the pet snake chewed off her own tail (true story).

I have three books going now, all on the computer. I’m not a multi-tasker, I just get tired of clicking the arrow to turn the page, so I start a new book. If you’re a writer posting an e-book, and you don’t say everything on the first page, your story’s going to be sitting on my virtual bookshelf indefinitely, or at least until gas prices drop enough so I can get my Kindle.

I’m pretty sure it’s too late for me to learn speed reading. I can only move my lips so fast.

22 thoughts on “What are you not reading today?

  1. Loved this: “I don’t take my reading glasses with me wherever I go, so at restaurants I just point to the picture of the food I want. This causes a lot of confusion at fast food drive-throughs. ” Me too!
    I did not realize how paralyzing being a slow reader can be until I started Grad school. Every class, 4 to 6 very big books. I dread the reading part because I’m always reading, it seems…….and never get to those “steamy” novels I used to love so much. It’s just a shame is what it is.
    Off to work…….I cannot believe there is a Monday and I have to be a part of it.

    • I once took a course that involved reading about 300 pages of the Internal Revenue Code. My eyes glaze over just thinking about it.

  2. Karla, you are too, funny….centerfold of a holstein in heat…I’m probably one of a handful of ;your readers who know what a holstein is, as opposed to a jersey or a gurnsey! (not sure of the spelling on that last one!) Thanks for starting my Monday off with several laughs!

    • Names of dairy cows don’t come up much in conversation anymore. It used to be the classic ice breaker at parties.

  3. What a great post!! I read more than some, but certainly less than others. I think my problem is, is by the time the part of the day comes where I can sit down and read, I’m about 5 minutes from falling asleep. LOL

  4. I love the speed reading comment…”I can only move my lips so fast.” Love that!

    My TBR pile is large too…Now, I just added Mark’s book to the pile. I might be 80 before I get through what I already have, and then I buy more…Wish I could speed read too…

    BTW, tell your daughter to come to my house…I’ve got books and a ton of chores to get done…

  5. Karla, I have 11 different books I’m trying to finish. Some hard copies, some Nook, some on the computer. So I’m with ya.
    Reading labels is my downfall and I thought I was good at it.
    Great blog today.

  6. I’m so jealous of people who find time to read a lot …
    On a kinda related note, we shipped Storm Chaser off to you today, Karla! You’ll be happy to know I screwed up the note I wrote to you in it, which will make it priceless 120 years from now …

    • Look out ebay! I’m sure you’ll have plenty of practice signing your book.

      • I already have … I signed three copies at the fire station tonight, two at the restaurant where we went out for breakfast this morning, and four others that I supplied to relatives. I might wear out my pen!

  7. My wife reads like 100 books a week. I’m lucky if I read 100 pages a week. Being dyslexic doesn’t help at all.

    • Being slow is hard enough. I think if I were dyslexic, it would suck the fun out of reading in a hurry.

  8. I used to read a lot. Now, my attention span has been seriously impaired, so a book has to be pretty good to hold my attention. And forget about editing. I can’t even do my own.

    • Maybe it’s an aging thing. I get frustrated when I keep losing my place between naps.

  9. I feel your pain, because I too have huge pile of books I need to get through and I don’t even have cows anywhere close by to distract me.

  10. Maybe we can get the Holsteins and the Jerseys to do something about this probable spammer who’s hooked onto you.

    Assuming they’re not plotting world domination, that is. You can never be too sure about cows…

    • They have those big sweet eyes, all the while they’re thinking of ways to give you sour milk.

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