When good cucumbers go bad

I have a vegetable bin in my refrigerator, which usually holds half an onion from 3 months ago and a couple shriveled up cloves of garlic. On those odd occasions when I decide to eat healthy foods, I may even put vegetables in it. The problem is that it’s invisible.

I know it was there when I bought the refrigerator. I mentally measured the drawer space to make sure that I could fit a head of cauliflower, a bunch of celery, two turnips, and a zucchini in there at the same time, which just goes to show how delusional I can be.

Today I had to go shopping, because the refrigerator was empty: no strawberry cheesecake, leftover pizza, or cream puffs in sight … and the bin magically appeared. I opened it to find a gelatinous mound of goo that used to be a cucumber.

I know that at my age I should be eating food rich in antioxidants, like blueberries, kale, and chard. When I went to the store, I managed to sail right past the produce section and end up in the frozen food aisle, my nose pressed up against the glass as I pondered whether to get the pound cake or apple pie. It was kind of hard to see past all the smudge prints. I’m pretty sure that the monkey bread I just ate had free radicals swimming in the cinnamon sauce.

Maintaining my post-menopausal weight requires mathematical snacking precision. One can of Diet Coke = one Twinkie. One walk around the lake = half a bag of chips. The fact that I can eat all the chard I want never even enters into the equation, since all the chard I want = zero.

Lesson learned. I’m determined to improve my eating habits, so as an after-thought, I picked up a rutabaga on the way to the checkout stand. I honestly don’t know if it has any nutritional value, but at least it won’t turn to mush as fast as a cucumber.

16 thoughts on “When good cucumbers go bad

    • It looks like a turnip on steroids and has the texture of a block of wood.

  1. Karla,
    Eat what you like and don’t worry about the rest. Garlic gets better with age. Cauliflower is NEVER good. Twinkies have a half-life of just a little over a decade. Go for the pie and forget the pound cake – no substance there to start with. At any rate, as long as you have catch-up you can change the flavor of anything.

    Howard

    • Pound cake with ketchup? No, not working for me. I do think that since ketchup is made with tomatoes, it should go in the healthy column. At least that’s what I’ll tell myself tonight when I fix hamburgers and fries for dinner.

  2. Sorry to be completely stone-face serious but I’ve found a remarkable whole food product that contains organic fruits and vegetables plus probiotics and enzymes and is available as a handy drink which actually tastes good 🙂

    I’ve been using it for over two years now…

    One serving = the nutrition of 5 servings of organic food!!

    Check it out: http://www.nuriche.com/products/live/

  3. If it’s any comfort, I just read that cucumbers, iceberg lettuce, and celery are totally useless veggies….next to no nutritional value. So you threw nothing away! What the hell do you do with a rutabaga???

    • It adds a nice pungent flavor to soups and stews (if there’s such a thing as “nice pungent”).

  4. Oh, Karla–we’re kindred shopping spirits!

    When I actually shop….

  5. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Cheesecake. I miss cheesecake. Now I’m hungry. Dammit Karla! 🙂

  6. I just checked my vegetable bin and there’s one cucumber, half an onion, and some basil quietly decomposing. I buy fresh produce and then don’t know what to do with it.

    I once tried one of those websites where you enter what food you have in the cupboard and fridge and they present you with recipes that include those ingredients. Usually they also included a dozen ingredients I didn’t have and didn’t recognize. Back to the canned chili I guess.

  7. Amen sister. I’m with you all the way……..To the frozen foods section. And I’m with Joan…..no clue on the rutabaga.

  8. The last time I went to a nutritionist was twenty years ago and I remember actually asking about the nutritional value of pie.
    Fruit or cream? she asked, still vaguely listening while her eyes moved towards my hips.

  9. Monkey bread?

    If you’re going for blueberries for the antioxidants, you can always have blueberry cheesecake.

  10. Monkey bread? LOL Is that anything like cottage roll?

    Ok, now I think I’m going to be sick.

  11. Good luck. I find as post-menopausal, I get the worst cravings and hunger attacks for the strangest foods again. My nightstand drawer is full of goodies, so when I am about to fall asleep and start starving I grab a treat. lol Never did that before post menopause.

Comments are closed.