No news is bad news

OK, so getting the tomato soup stains out of my white blouse may not be newsworthy, but they were as resistant as mutant super cockroaches (film at 11:00). Nevertheless, I spent the weekend perusing the help menu at Mail Chimp – a site for sending out email campaigns.

Look at any marketing websites, and they’ll tell you flat out that if you don’t have a mailing list, your career will fade into obscurity faster than that of The Turtles. (A sixties band whose only big hit was “So Happy Together.” Their other claim to fame was having the only top 100 song to find a rhyme for et cetera.) I’d just like to get my career out of obscurity, and find a rhyme for orange.

Spurred on by my need to start pimping the hell out of let people know about my new book, I went through my list of website subscribers and weeded out roughly 100 email addresses from spammers like genital.warts.69@nakedchicks.pl.  I spent the rest of my weekend dragging, dropping, cutting, and pasting my way to fame.

Unfortunately, Mail Chimp likes to bombard new subscribers with initial emails:

  • Confirm your subscription
  • Confirmation of your confirmation
  • Thank you for subscribing
  • Welcome new subscriber
  • Confirmation of your restraining order

They have all the elements I need, but navigating around their website is like running through the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disneyland 47 times. Consequently, I’m very proud of my forms, my newsletter, and my self-restraint for not beating my computer with a garden rake, setting it on fire, and tossing it in the lake.

mail chimp sign up form banner

If you want to subscribe to my newsletter, you can either put your email in the subscribe box at the top of the side bar on the right (updates on new posts and newsletters), or click here for newsletters only. New subscribers will receive an uncensored excerpt from my book, I Never Drove a Bulldozer, complete with a picture of me in the shower. Best of all, if you don’t want to take out a restraining order, there’s an unsubscribe button too. Turns out I’m easier to get rid of than mutant cockroaches.