It is time again for all social deviants to come out from under their rocks long enough to perpetrate their sadistic cruelty on unsuspecting friends and family members. Hooray! I’m not sure when we decided that practical jokes were worthy of a holiday.
I think we’ve already established that I’m gullible. If you tell me there’s a cookie for me on the other side of this shark-infested lake, I’ll get out my snorkel and my shark repellent.
Yesterday, I was treated to being introduced to a publisher. (My dream come true!) So there I am in the dry goods aisle of Wal-Mart, talking to “my publisher” on the phone and feeling all important. Turns out this publisher wanted $2,500 of the money I’d set aside for beans and Cheez-Whiz, so she could turn me into a successful entrepreneur. In exchange she would help me establish my own publishing company, sell me my own books at cost, and consult with me: the trifecta of “bend over.”
If I did this, how could I afford to make my famous redneck nachos? In the end, my book deal opportunity lost out to fat and carbohydrates. Lesson learned: don’t get between a woman and her processed cheese food.
I’ve been kicking around the idea for a while of going indie – self publishing. If done right, it can bring in enough money so that you can support your salsa addiction. If done wrong, you’ll find yourself at Wal-Mart at 3:00 AM stocking salsa. I see that as a win-win situation.
Since I didn’t jump on this opportunity, I guess I won’t get the coveted April Fool award this year. I’m not sure how I thought that I could compete with Sarah Palin anyway. It was a long shot at best.
Actually I think the award has to go to a young author who recently received a mixed review on her book. Apparently she’s a really good storyteller, and a really bad speller. She went off on the man who reviewed her book as a favor to her. We’re talking F-word, paranoid, total meltdown. Her reaction has already gone viral on the internet and the sharks are circling.
Maybe I’ll lend her my snorkel, and see if they’re hiring at Wal-Mart. As long as she stays away from my Cheez-Whiz, we’ll get along fine.