Luck of the Irish

Finally, a holiday celebrating corned beef and cabbage, green beer, leprechauns and herpetophobia (fear of snakes). While most of us have waited all year in anticipation of this special day, I face it with a certain dread. It was on St. Patrick’s day of 1989 that I was fired from my job as a bank teller in Florida.

It seems that this particular bank frowned on starting the day with an Irish Coffee, then giving away $14,000 too much to one of its customers. Where’s their holiday spirit? I mean, they recovered the money. No harm, no foul, right?

For three years afterward I refused to wear green and turned down every invitation to go see Lord of the Dance. The fact that the show didn’t come out until 1996 was of little consequence. More importantly, I swore off Irish whiskey and Baileys. There may or may not have been an intervention involved in the latter, but it still totally counts.

I finally made my peace with the Irish, and decided to once again celebrate their lame holiday. I’ve got my Weight Watchers recipe for corned beef and cabbage, and I’ll serve it with green apple juice (see “intervention” above). I’d dress my garden gnomes as leprechauns if I didn’t know that the homeowner’s association would be all over me like white on rice. Damn gnome Nazis!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day y’all!

Erin go Braugh!

May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall softly on your fields and, until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

14 thoughts on “Luck of the Irish

  1. I’m not Irish, but if I were, I might wear green, and drink green beer. However, since I didn’t start my diet soon enough, my green sweater no longer fits. I’m down 11 lbs in a week, so by next St. Patty’s Day, it will fit!

    BTW, I don’t like garden gnomes…I prefer my gargoyle instead…we named him Gary…

  2. Fun blog. One year on St. Patrick’s Day, I made a joke about Leprechauns. Strangest things happened to me all day, like tripping constantly. I believe! Your gnome might not like the wearin’ o’ the green.

  3. I seriously just posted a big comment here and it’s gone. This one, of course, will show up. Anyhow, Happy St Patty’s Day. Love Baileys. Hate green. Sing awful (this would make sense if the OTHER comment ever shows up).

  4. That was funny. I have the temper and drinking tendencies of the Irish myself (Fagan be my name, before I married) and so an intervention leaves me with only corned beef and cabbage today and no green bear.

    That bank had no sense of humor. Shame on them.

  5. Good luck with the corned beef and cabbage! I put Irish Creme flavoring in my latte this morning. Does that count for holiday spirit? 😉

    P.S. Thanks for posting on a comment on my interview on Alexander’s blog!

  6. The thought of cooked cabbage makes me turn green, but I don’t think that counts as true St Paddy’s Day celebrating.
    So, were you just feeling a little Robin Hoodish the day you gave that money away? Thanks for the laughs and Happy Leprechaun day to you too!

  7. I too am making corned beef and cabbage, though I refuse to drink green beer. I like mine amber! May the road rise up to meet you, lassie.

  8. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.

    $14,000!? And the customer didn’t mention that you’d made a mistake? How odd.

    “Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
    alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.”
    ~By Alex Levine~

  9. “And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.”

    I’ve always liked that line…

    It’s only 14 grand… they could have overlooked one boo-boo.

    Erin go Braugh!

  10. St. Patrick’s Day? Are they doing that again this year? 😉

    Although I have Irish ancestors, I bypassed the whole thing … I hate beer, and I’m not a huge cabbage fan either.

    • There are few people in the world who, having smelled cabbage cooking, would actually eat it.

  11. I was in Worcester on St. Paddy’s day a few years back. There was a freak blizzard, yet there was a guy outside at 7 am without a shirt on stumbling around drinking straight from a bottle of Bailey’s.

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