I was horrified to learn that Terrell Owens would join my hometown team, the Seattle Seahawks. What were they thinking, hiring a man with an ego the size of the Titanic (and just as likely to self-destruct)? I don’t know from personal experience, but I’m reasonably sure that his poop doesn’t smell any better than the next man’s.
Unlike T.O., I’m kind of nervous about getting in the spotlight. I don’t think that I’d have any problem with public speaking if it didn’t involve public. Sunday, I was invited to join a panel of local authors for a program at the library. Other than a case of insomnia, some rampaging diarrhea, and an ice cream binge prior to the event, I was cool, calm, and collected.
I’m proud to say that I didn’t even pick my nose or scratch at my crotch once (consciously). I did panic slightly when the moderator started throwing out multiple-part questions. My fall-back answer to any quiz is “North Dakota,” which clearly wasn’t going to cut it in this instance. My fellow panel members were also on the mature side, so I can only imagine that they were similarly trying to remember if they closed the garage door.
Sometimes I need an ego boost, and this event did not fail me. I hear Mariah Carey requests $90 bottles of water before a show. Even better, they had peanut butter cookies for us. I was definitely feeling like a star. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why Mariah Carey can wear a size zero dress while I struggle to get one thigh into my Spanx.
Yesterday, I went to the beach with a photographer to get some shots for my next book cover. That brought it all home. That’s why I pig out on cookies at the library and squeeze into my Spanx … because I want to share something I created with others, and because I like peanut butter cookies.
I don’t think I’m in any danger of developing an over-inflated ego. Just remember that if I’m town, I like homemade cookies with enough saturated fats to melt in my mouth … and go straight to my Spanx.
Hi Karla; It’s really me, not a spammer. First of all, congrats on your command performance! I am sure you were graceful and eloquent, and if you weren’t, don’t divulge. I need my fantasies. I am having nervous brain spasms in training on my new job. Turns out, it’s not nearly as easy as I thought it was going to be. But I will approach that big brick wall (fear) and I will climb over it and keep going. That wasn’t funny because, try as I might, I’m only good for a sentence or two of humor these days. Sad, really. But my friends still love me. You do, don’t you?
You know it, sweetie. The beach photos are helping knock down the fear of really getting into my next book. It’s so damn easy to get paralyzed by the fear, so keep climbing and you’ll make it!
I don’t think they even make Spanx in my size. One thigh? How about I start with my left foot pinky and go from there? Maybe Terrell Owens needs to Spanx his ego. LOL. The ice cream binge problem might mean you’re lactose intolerant. I can hardly look at ice cream behind the freezer glass case. Life is unfair, but yes, you are definitely star material.
I would simply perish without the occasional chocolate milkshake. Sometimes you just have to live on the edge, and within easy reach of the bathroom.
I think someone who doesn’t like peanut butter cookies can’t be trusted.
And while I don’t follow football… hasn’t that guy been around for quite a few years? Is it worth hiring him on anywhere if there’s too big a risk that this is the year his knees are finished?
As I understand, he begged the Seahawks to take him on. They only signed a one-year contract, so maybe the knees can hold out for one more season.I don’t think using a walker on the football field is going to work out.
An ego the size of the Titanic? Maybe it will hit an iceberg and sink, too.
I don’t bother with Spanx. If anyone doesn’t like what they see, well, they don’t have to look!
His ego keeps resurfacing. Unfortunately, my ego needs a Spanx boost to squeeze into my jeans.
I’m glad T.O. was cut from Dallas many years ago. He was no loss. Glad to see someone else in the, “I love Peanut Butter Cookies” recovery…..I mean, group. Yeah, just group. No recovery needed unless I’m a complete savage and eat the whole batch.
This is why I bake cookies in the middle of the night – with the lights out.
Avast, ye maties, there be a couple of spammers here…
GK: life is too short to not have peanut butter.