Seismic snoozer

The opinions expressed in this blog are strictly my own. Take them for what they’re worth.

I was hoping to be sipping mimosas with the Almighty about now, but apparently, He didn’t want to take my sorry ass to heaven just yet. Bummer! As far as I can tell from CNN, nobody got raptured yesterday. We also had no earthquakes, no frogs raining from the sky, and no mass of rejection letters from agents. OK, that last one applies only to me, but it would feel kind of cataclysmic.

My cat hocked on the carpet, my dog ate two miniature American flags that we got at the race, and I walked into a spider web this morning. Since my husband’s not up yet, he hasn’t had a chance to add to the general madness.

I’ve read the complete Left Behind series, by Tim LaHaye. It describes the great tribulation and the rise of the Antichrist after the rapture. I’m what I’d call a marginal Christian—just Christian enough to get by. In short, I’m not sure if I would make the cut for the rapture.

In college I had every intention of becoming a nun. I took pre-nursing and French classes so I could work at a hospital in Haiti. Unfortunately, I also took a belly dancing class, and drank rather heavily. Since I couldn’t find any orders of belly dancing, bar-hopping nuns, I sucked at French, and I got turned down for nursing school, I scrapped the nun idea. I figured it was a sign from God.

I don’t know what brand of spirituality “works,” mainly because I refuse to put God in a box. I’m not going to tell him his business, or limit him by my imagination and my rules. Jesus said, we don’t know at what hour the Master will return, so be ready. To me, that means that crackpots who predict that the world will end on May 21, at 6:00 pm EST, can’t be taken seriously.

If we start getting widespread earthquakes, I may have to rethink my options.

17 thoughts on “Seismic snoozer

  1. Walking into a cobweb and the cat hocking up something is pretty bad, but we’ve all survived…just like we all knew we would…

    However, if it rains while I’m golfing today, that could be considered cataclysmic…well, in my book anyway.

  2. Seriously, Karla, whether your being seriously humorous or humorously serious, your humor shines–Seriously 🙂

  3. since reinventing ourselves thelisas have taken on the motto “we don’t suck,” and I can tell you unequivocally we’d have been seriously p.o’d to kick the bucket before fulfilling our bucket list
    Armageddon ain’t for sissies but hell hath no fury like a lisa scorned

  4. Hysterical Karla! I am so excited that you are part of our new blogging group and I have a feeling we will be mutually cracking each other up (I also use as much humor as is appropriate in my posts).

    For me, all religion is manmade and therefore doesn’t really fall in line with my version of spirituality… as I’ve been known to say, I prefer Dogs over Dogma!

    Looking forward to more fun! and I hope tomorrow you are flooded with acceptance letters from agents 🙂

    Heidi & Atticus
    “commentary to give you paws…”

  5. I wanted to be a nun until I was about 12. Then I discovered boys. Oh well, I suspect I wouldn’t make the cut off for the Rapture, either!

  6. “…I refuse to put God in a box” was my favorite part of this post. Loved that. And I am in complete agreement with Alexander on the subject of your humor.

  7. Hi Karla,

    your post is hilarious! Thanks for sharing your very own doomsday with the rest of the world. I forgot about it already and then my husband came home after 7, then I thought, I think I’ve made it, this must be heaven!!

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you being accepted. They’d really miss something if they didn’t 🙂

    Franziska San Pedro
    The Abstract Impressionist Artress

  8. Greetings, Karla – Hilarious post, and getting to read it is one of the nice things about the world still being here today. I had no fears of rapture (or the alternative), but I’m sure enjoying the humor coming out of its anticipation. Great to have you in the blogging group, and I’m looking forward to more of your posts.

    Judy Stone-Goldman
    The Reflective Writer
    “My cat owns me, my clutter stymies me, my writing frees me. Word maven loves—and learns from—ordinary life.”

  9. So funny! Love your writing. But there was the volcano in Iceland and the 3.6 earthquake in Berkeley ;). Seriously, what a load of old rubbish, I’m with Heidi and Atticus on the subject of religion as we have often discussed – all manmade. Like you though – if the Yellowstone volcano blows or the West coast falls into the sea I’ll rethink. Oh wait – I’ll probably be dead……
    Glad you joined the group – think I’m going to enjoy getting to know you!
    Louise Edington
    Fearless For Freedom

  10. Hi Karla ~ Loved the blog this morning. I know how you’re feeling, my lab decided to throw-up all over the carpet, another one is hiding my shoe somewhere in my son’s room and my 8yr old has been talking non-stop about the next Transformer Movie that isn’t even out for at least another month. I look forward to your humor to take my mind of my own hectic life! lol

  11. Lo and behold, we’re all here, just as expected. Nothing happened, no great earthquake, no souls taken up to heaven like the old crank predicted. Now can we have that senile bastard charged with some criminal offense? Or at least put in a nursing home and robbed of his access to the media?

  12. I thought maybe nobody made the cut and God just decided to leave everybody here and scrap the planet with all of us on it….

  13. Awesome Karla! So many of the “rules” are out own creation and people use the bible as a means to control others.

  14. I felt rapturous yesterday, but I did not get raptured either. I believe when God is ready for us, he will take us by surprise 🙂
    If I was him, that’s what I’d do.
    For sure.

  15. Mom and I are holding out for December 21st. I’m planning a “end of the world as we know it” party. You’re invited of course…. but you know what kind of parties I throw. 😉

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