Spamalot

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Today is 1/11/11, which is binary for 3,156,216, carry the 2. Nostradamus warned that this would be the year of the spammer. SEO engines the world over are churning out messages in ancient Mesopotamian to confound innocent bloggers who are just trying to make a living by posting ineffectual ads on their websites. I currently have a 3¢ credit with Google Adsense.

Random picture with no relevance to the subject

Quatrain 37.2

And there shall be a great wind from the east, blowing garbage up the asses of those who would entertain and inform via fiber optic cables and satellite communication. Burma shave.

Spam blocking software on your website runs the risk of sending nasty messages to innocent friends who may occasionally use colorful language in their comments, while allowing messages from users called “Penile Pustules” and “Anal Adventures.” What the hell? I still haven’t figured out the reasoning behind these programs’ determination of what constitutes spam.

You could go the route of demanding that your commenters decipher squiggly letters that spell out globfarts, since no machine could ever anticipate such an ambiguous code. I haven’t found a globfarts plugin for WordPress, so I’m left manually deleting messages from XXXewesex and Farmyard_fornication.

For those of you not familiar with SEO (search engine optimization) here’s a little primer. Google, Yahoo, Bing, etc. are popularity contests. If you Google my name, you will find roughly 13 pages of references to me. This is because I am the only Karla Telega in the known universe. As such, the comment that I made 3 months ago concerning toe fungus on your website will be found in Google. You’re welcome! The more places you show up in Google, the higher your ranking in the search engines. Your website gets more visibility, which makes it easier for googlers to find you. Spammers will leave comments so they can attach themselves to you like little lampreys, thus increasing their own visibility. Whew!

I’m so grateful for my readers (shout out to Bob in Dubuque, Iowa) so spam is a small price to pay for my Yahoo ranking of 8,005,563. Woo hoo! So on this numerologically auspicious day, let us remember that comments from real people make all the difference in my own happiness quotient. Comment early, comment often, and I don’t even mind if you mention your toe fungus.

13 thoughts on “Spamalot”

  2. You never fail to make me laugh as well. Except, I didn’t shoot Mountain Dew out of my nose…it was my coffee…

    Google is driving me nuts with their little pop-up’s that seem to get past my pop-up blocker…they’ve overrun it somehow…Oh, and I will try not to swear or use any pornographic terminology in your posts…and, definitely I won’t be mentioning any funguses…or is that fungi…? LOL

  3. Actually Google says there are two Karla Telegas but they’re probably counting you twice. I thought this entry was interesting tho.

    WebMii – Karla Telega Dec 10, 2010 … Toda la información sobre Karla Telega: e-mail, trabajo, blogs, teléfono, dirección, redes sociales, sitios web y WebMii Score.

  4. I personally love spam in foreign languages the best. It just can’t be beat. Not with a stick or anything.

  5. LOL! Karla, you really should leave some of those Farmyard fornication comments up for our entertainment.

  6. Farmyard Fornicators. Sounds like a perverts’ bowling team.

    How do you determine your Yahoo ranking?

    • I have a program I downloaded through Firefox called SEO Quake. It shows rankings and individual links on Yahoo.

  8. Wow! That is interesting stuff. I’m changing my name to Karla Telega. This shouldn’t intefere with your blog/Google ranking, right? MWUHAHAHAHAAA!!!

    • As long as you don’t mind subscribers by the name of nakedcelebs. I seem to get a lot of that.

  9. Still laughing at Farmyard Fornication, but a bit intrigued by XXXewesex. Where’s that again???? Oh never mind. I’m supposed to be studying anyways. I thought I really would lose my Diet Pepsi with the “And there shall be a great wind from the ….” business. You funny lady. Still hot though. But in a purely numerical way. ?

    Terri

    TOE FUNGUS … had to say it. Now let’s see what happens.

  10. The Lisas do not constitute “real people” on 7 of 9 planets, however that never stops us from commenting.

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