Winter whining-land

When I think of those people in the North who are without power, shivering in a nor’easter, I should be grateful for what I’ve got. Sadly, I’m not. Watching our pennies means keeping the thermostat down. In the cold, I have the blood circulation of a clogged toilet (without the ecoli). My hands get frostbite when I open the refrigerator door.

Winter doesn’t officially begin for another six weeks. That hasn’t stopped me from rooting around desperately for my flannel jammies and turtlenecks. I look in disbelief at the Land’s End catalog, where people look so happy cavorting in the snow in little more than a polar fleece vest and an ugly knit cap. You can’t convince me that someone’s not holding their pet hamster for ransom. “Smile, or the rodent dies!”

Yesterday we had hail – in South Carolina, for Pete’s sake! Crushed ice is only appropriate in slurpies. So every time I take the dog out, I have to put on my fuzzy robe, scarf, and gloves. I miss tank tops, shorts, and sweat. I’m having fond memories of hot flashes.

I rarely shave my legs in the winter because a) I’m lazy; and b) the hair keeps my legs warm at night, which is good since it doesn’t exactly entice people into cuddling. It’s like spooning a llama.

Yesterday, I ordered three new turtlenecks. I fully expect to spend the next few days with my nose pressed against the door, looking out the peephole for the UPS truck. C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! My current turtlenecks are getting frayed. I’m afraid to pull any dangling threads, lest the whole thing disintegrates in my hands like moldy cheese.

I pray for the folks up north without power, but selfishly, I pray for a mild winter here as well. Guess I better take the dog out. Have to stay awake so I don’t freeze to death. It can’t be above fifty degrees out there.

13 thoughts on “Winter whining-land

  1. Being the complete opposite when it comes to heat, I am not feeling your pain Karla. I sweat with even a mention of the temperature rising. My partner and I fight over thermostat dial positioning. She walks by and adjusts the thermostat. I walk by five minutes later and readjust, while exclaiming that a ‘readjustment’ of said partner’s attitude might be in order.

    I have a big mouth. And the Temperature Wars continue.

  2. I hear ya Karla. Our temps go from fifty at night to 100 in the day. You don’t see me without fleece and blankets at night!

  3. I have no idea how you get so much spam issues… mine ends up directly in my email, where Nigerian generals have too good to be true business propositions…

    • I grew up south of the arctic circle, where there’s also the option of summer, fall, and spring. They’re a lot like winter, but without the frostbite.

  4. That’s why I don’t have a dog, as much as I love them. I’d have to walk it, no matter what the weather. I don’t handle cold well, either.

    “Spooning a llama.” That’s a mental image that’s going to be hard to shake!

  5. I’m on your side, Karla! I’m ALWAYS cold (and not quietly). We live between a mountain and a river, and I don’t ski or windsurf. Snow’s too cold. Water’s too cold. Maybe Mexico? Thanks for the laugh!

    • Skiing and windsurfing? Besides the obvious temperature torture, I’m kind of fond of the integrity of my skeletal system.

  6. Thanks for this Karla, made me laugh out loud! You keep warm over there, I’m sure the winter will get worse before it gets better, but that’s just me being positive 🙂

    • My husband doesn’t turn up the thermostat until we can see our breath in the kitchen. Today I’ll be donning my down jacket and long johns so we can play at the beach.

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