At least I’m Bipedal

You may think that claiming that I can stand erect and walk on two feet is setting the bar kind of low. That’s obviously not my only talent. I assure you, I’m not a one-trick pony. I also have opposable thumbs and reasonably good diction.

Now that we’ve established that I can walk and talk, and I have fine motor skills, let’s look at higher cognitive functions. Okay, you in the back, I saw your eyelids drooping. Don’t worry. This should be slightly more interesting than a lecture on Trust Accounting and the Internal Revenue Code.

I read a great blog yesterday about right and left brain thinking. I have no data to back it up, but I believe that menopause causes part of your brain to melt. Either I have become more self aware since menopause, and accepted that my left brain has always ruled, or my right brain died a terrible death a few years ago and I didn’t notice. Maybe a little of column A, and a little of column B.

I admit that I was a logic snob for most of my life. If I ran out of hand cream, I would reason that face moisturizer had many of the same ingredients and would help with the dry skin on my hands. Yesterday I awoke to find a reminder stuck to my refrigerator door. Note to self: buy hand cream tomorrow so I won’t have to use lube again.

I would call that abstract thinking. Who cares what’s in it. After all, you put it on your hands…and stuff.

The fact that I gave up a good paying job to write full time proves that I am learning to accept my creative side.

Dammit! I forgot to buy hand cream.

15 thoughts on “At least I’m Bipedal

  1. My brother’s cat has opposable thumbs. 🙂

    A friend of mine went into menopause at 28 years old. It’s been an experience.

  2. “Note to self: buy hand cream tomorrow so I won’t have to use lube again.”

    I’m falling about laughing at that!

  3. OMG! That is too funny.

    I’m not sure how one confuses lube with handcream, but I have used handcream on my face before…just doesn’t do the same effect as face cream…

    • Now you have me picturing you using lube on your face. I guess you shouldn’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

  4. Bowing to your cognitive thinking while chuckling at your forgetfulness, I believe you probably have it all figured out. I’m thinking you should mentor someone……a hand model perhaps?

    Keep me rockin and rollin’ over here. I love it.


  5. I’m trying to picture what using lube instead of hand-cream does to getting through the day. Doesn’t it make everything slip out of your hands (as it were)?

    Driving – turning the steering wheel, car goes straight ahead
    Shopping – money just slips through your fingers (don’t need lube for that to happen…)
    Eating – have to eat with fingers as cutlery shoots across kitchen


    • I’m picturing forks flying all over the kitchen. It would be an easy way to identify those people who are out of hand cream.

  6. Nice.

    I wonder if my right brain will die a horrible death when I hit menopause. Hmm. Oh, well. Who needs creativity anyway.

    I think it depends on what kind of lube you’re using. If you use the water-based kind (like KY)? I don’t think that would work very well. It dries out & gets globby. Yuk. BUT if you use the nice silicone-based kind…I think that could work….

    …wow…my hands are really dry…I need to do something about that…

  7. You’re hilarious. I haven’t hit menopause yet, but I think each time I gave birth some of my brain cells were stolen by passed on to my children. I have to write myself notes too, though I’ve never used lube as hand cream. Did it work well?

    • I used the water based, so it got sticky pretty quickly. I wouldn’t recommend it. WTH Am I Doing seems to have more expertise (personal experience?) on the matter of lube.

  8. I am so lame.

    I misplaced the email you sent me directing me to this post. Because I am all kinds of organized and on top of things over here. Ahem.

    Things keep slipping through my mind and through my fingers.


    Pretty sure it’s the lube.

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