I’m very excited to have KLZ from Taming Insanity posting on my website today! She brings a great sense of humor and a youthful perspective for my (ahem) older readers. You know who you are. You can catch me today at her website above. Hope you enjoy her post as much as I did!
I’ve never quite acted my age. I like to joke that I’m always behaving as though I’m 6 or 86. I can never seem to fall anywhere appropriately in between.
Which is why having a child is somewhat of a relief to me. I can get away with both pretending I’m walking across hot lava (I’m playing with my child!) and being crotchety enough to say things like “turn down that radio, it’s too damn loud!” (the baby is sleeping!)
It’s quite an exquisite balance for me. But it leaves me somewhat isolated from my peer group.
And by peer group I mean: people I grew up with.
(That should say people with whom I grew up but both the 6 year old and the 96 year old in me have decided that that is too much effort to say. They agree on things with surprising frequency.)
Not one of the people I graduated high school with has a child. Only one of the people I went to college with has entered the realm of parenthood.
Let me clarify: I’m not 22 years old. I was not pregnant during college.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I just have a group of friends who are apparently content to go to work during the day, then go home and have some drinks without wiping anyone’s butt.
Which is a ludicrous goal, clearly.
It’s not so much this time right now that bothers me about this maturity disparity.
What I worry about is empty nest syndrome. Which I will be acquiring years before any of my friends. At which point I have no doubt I’ll be chasing kids off my lawn and demanding they hike up their pants. Because I won’t care about their newfangled fashions.
(Oh God. I just realized…low rise pants might no longer be fashionable in twenty years. High waisted pants might be in fashion when my kids go to college. So then what? I have to tell kids to hike DOWN their pants? That’s just filthy.)
In short: I’m worried that having kids first will also mean I’ll be the first to truly age. I mean, what ages you more than having kids? I’m already complaining about what Miley Cyrus is wearing and whether or not rap lyrics are inappropriate while my friends fight over beer pong rules.
How bad is it going to get? Because it looks highly doubtful that I am going to age gracefully. It’s lucky I’ve started indulging my inner eclectic early.
I mean, I already sometimes act like I’m 86. When I actually am 86….what then?
I actually can’t even think about that question for too long. It frightens me. And the six year old in me doesn’t want to have too many nightmares tonight.