“I’m sorry, but a herd of angry sheep broke into the server room and chewed up all the wires,” the tech support representative said. I blinked twice, which is the sign that I’m thinking deep thoughts. How did sheep break into the room? They don’t have opposable thumbs to hold the crowbar, and are notoriously bad at picking locks. Could the friendly tech support guy be pulling my leg? Why would he tell a fib about server security?
I won’t be mean enough to reveal the name of my duplicitous internet service provider. Suffice it to say that I’ve lost all faith in women Indie car drivers who strut around in black leather.
According to Jane Friedman, a former editor at Writer’s Digest Magazine, and an undisputed authority on all things writery, people will stop visiting your website if it loads slowly. Her article said nothing about sheep who floss with coaxial cables.
Let me say at the outset (which, in this case occurs in the middle of my blog post) that I’m a ridiculously gullible person. I’ll normally buy into your wild story about how you rescued a chihuahua from the jaws of a hungry crocodile in Mexico last summer. Obviously, crocodiles are not native to Tijuana. So why did I question the sincerity of this tech support yahoo? Perhaps I’m becoming jaded as I get older.
Whatever the real reason for my weekend website woes, I want to thank all of you who are visiting today. I’m 99% sure that evil brain-eating aliens are not monitoring my website or breaking into your hard drive. It’s a pretty safe bet that you’re not going to transported to a porn site if you try to post a comment. But just to be on the safe side, you should probably keep a close eye on your chihuahuas if you’re going to be vacationing in Mexico anytime soon.