As I write this, my head is stuck in the down position. While that’s not a problem for working at the computer or overhauling the engine of a classic ’54 Thunderbird (robin’s egg blue), it scores no points for doing…well, anything else. Also complicating the issue is that I don’t own a classic T-bird.
For days now, I’ve been unable to turn my head to the left, but this down thing took me by surprise. The disadvantages are that I’m reminded constantly that my legs need shaving, and I am painfully aware when the dog is sniffing my crotch.
As long as I’m in the position anyway, I used this opportunity to surf through WebMD: the source for many a hypochondriac’s nightmares. Possible causes for neck stiffness range from ankylosing spondylitis to West Nile virus. Just great! I hate when that happens!
After many ouchy attempts, I’ve now managed to straighten my head up.
Normally, cocking the head is reserved for listening intently or appearing inquisitive. If I was at a Presidential press conference, I could just be pretending that I’m interested in your petty global warming questions, while I’m really wondering if the Lakers can pull off a winning season.
I could always pass it off as being hard of hearing. It would be fun asking the friendly Wal-Mart associate where the condoms are located. People would wonder why he’s shouting in my face, “Do you want the lubricated, or ribbed for her pleasure?”
When dogs cock their heads, people just say, “Awww” and think that it is cute. I do rather like the taste of Milk Bones. Besides, I needed an excuse to include this picture. It’s too adorable to pass up.
But I digress.
As soon as I finish this, I’m waking up my husband so he can run me to the daytime clinic for some muscle relaxants. I’ll pull out my heating pad that smells funky. It also looks like the cat hacked a hairball on it.
Never fear, dear readers. This too shall pass, but I am at that age where whining about your aches and pains is practically mandatory. I wouldn’t want to get my AARP card revoked for undue stoicism. Just be aware that if it looks like I’m listening to you intently, I’m probably thinking about the Lakers.