Remembering your username FOR DUMMIES

It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. I just want to learn the basics of HTML so I can <h1> Be less dumber on the subject </h1>. That meant cruising the thousands of Dummies books to find just the right one. There among the idiot books was one titled, “Computers for Seniors FOR DUMMIES”. I’m trying to imagine what this would look like.

Chapter one: Your computer

If you are still using a Commodore, it’s time to trade up.

Chapter Two: Choosing a user name

Your name should be more than two letters, but less than the Oxford English Dictionary, Volume 11.

Tip: Try the virtual “pin your name to your shirt” app for senior moments.

Chapter Three: Adjusting the volume

Unfortunately, most computer speakers are not powerful enough to adjust the volume so you can hear it across the room.

Warning: Your neighbors will still hear it, but at least their ears won’t be bleeding.

I wonder if young people even buy the DUMMIES books. I imagine the majority of idiot book readers already eat bran and take naps between chapters, so creating a special book for the youth challenged discriminates against the two seniors who actually know what a bitmap is.

Technical stuff: “Plug and play” does not refer to Viagra, a box of Wheaties, and a cheap motel.

I won’t bother with the “Part of Tens” on my HTML book, since by the time I reach six, I’ll have already forgotten one through three. But I look forward to expanding my technological horizons. If I’d known the technical stuff above, we could have avoided that whole embarrassing incident at Best Buy.

14 thoughts on “Remembering your username FOR DUMMIES

  1. I, too, am a techno-idiot! Loved this post, but I suspect I would need the remedial version!

  2. May I assuage your angst?

    I’ve been working my butt off for years learning techie things and I’m a real good student.

    Still way behind the curve…

    Oh, wait. I think I just realized your not even cognizant of the curve, you’re still studying straight lines, right?

  3. One of your funniest blogs. It’s hard for us ‘seniors’ to stay current with the modern world. I tried a Dummies book once for computers. It was pretty good. Problem with them is, by the next day they’re out of date and behind in the current technology. I worked for a company once, helping customers with orders online. Seniors really do have some problems, like hitting ‘next’ to move on. Tough one to figure out.

  4. This is so funny. (Young person here.) I love you ladies to death, so no offense, but it cracks me whenever you guys have so much trouble with technology. But then I have moments where my 6 year old (who knows how to use the internet and my ipod) has to show me how to work my playstation whenever I want to search on Netflix!!!

  5. As someone who used to design software I generally feel comfortable around computers and electronic gadgets. Until I go visit my 2 1/2 year old grandson. He can juggle three remotes and scroll through onscreen menus so fast it leaves me dizzy. When I visit, and can’t figure out how to start the movie, he raises his arms and says, “Up dwamma.” When I pick him up he pushes some high up buttons. Then I put him down so he can push some low buttons, cruise through several onscreen menus and, tada, we’re watching Sophisticats.

    Talk about intimidating.

  6. “Technical stuff: “Plug and play” does not refer to Viagra, a box of Wheaties, and a cheap motel.” <—–That's some coffee spewing funny!

  7. “If you are still using a Commodore, it’s time to trade up.”

    And maybe donate that old one to a museum for their display case.

    Very funny!

  8. You know you can actually hook your computer up to full blown stereo speakers and blow the neighbors away with the bass?

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