The opinions expressed in this blog are strictly my own. Take them for what they’re worth.

I was hoping to be sipping mimosas with the Almighty about now, but apparently, He didn’t want to take my sorry ass to heaven just yet. Bummer! As far as I can tell from CNN, nobody got raptured yesterday. We also had no earthquakes, no frogs raining from the sky, and no mass of rejection letters from agents. OK, that last one applies only to me, but it would feel kind of cataclysmic.

My cat hocked on the carpet, my dog ate two miniature American flags that we got at the race, and I walked into a spider web this morning. Since my husband’s not up yet, he hasn’t had a chance to add to the general madness.

I’ve read the complete Left Behind series, by Tim LaHaye. It describes the great tribulation and the rise of the Antichrist after the rapture. I’m what I’d call a marginal Christian—just Christian enough to get by. In short, I’m not sure if I would make the cut for the rapture.

In college I had every intention of becoming a nun. I took pre-nursing and French classes so I could work at a hospital in Haiti. Unfortunately, I also took a belly dancing class, and drank rather heavily. Since I couldn’t find any orders of belly dancing, bar-hopping nuns, I sucked at French, and I got turned down for nursing school, I scrapped the nun idea. I figured it was a sign from God.

I don’t know what brand of spirituality “works,” mainly because I refuse to put God in a box. I’m not going to tell him his business, or limit him by my imagination and my rules. Jesus said, we don’t know at what hour the Master will return, so be ready. To me, that means that crackpots who predict that the world will end on May 21, at 6:00 pm EST, can’t be taken seriously.

If we start getting widespread earthquakes, I may have to rethink my options.