Where the Buffalo roam

What genius in the 20’s decided that Lysol was the ideal douche? I can’t imagine who would line up to test that particular use for a household cleaner. Even in this day and age, there may be products out there that are touted as being the best fungicide, hemorrhoid cream, laxative, or processed cheese food without the benefit of proper research by focus groups. By the way, any cheese that needs the word “food” in the title is immediately suspect. Since I’m an empty-nester with a four footed baby, I was concerned mainly with canine candy.

I found a website for a company that specializes in dog treats. http://www.bullysticks.com/ A local pet store clerk told me that bully sticks are made from cow tendons, which in some cases may be true. However, in its purest form, these canine treasures are made from a part of the cow seldom found in your grocer’s butcher section. Yes, I’m talking about bull wienies. This web company does not just slice, stretch and dry any old boy cow appendages. They specialize in free range wieners.

I get my dog food at a pet boutique. My product testing was extremely simple: find a brand that met enough nutritional requirements so my dog would not feel it necessary to eat his own poop. Now that I pay $60 a bag for primo dog chow, Colt has limited his extracurricular eating habits to random goose droppings on the nature trail, and grazing in the cat box. I’ll put that in the win column.

When weighing in on the best bully sticks, I’m at a loss. Is there a group that does taste testing to determine the best kind? Even the most pampered pooches will raid the garbage can for yesterday’s leftover fish sticks, so they’re not the best judges of fine epicurean penies. While people have been known to consider cojones as suitable for human consumption, I think you would be hard pressed to find volunteers to test the other white meat.

Since I have no way to be sure if my particular bull was domestic or free-ranging, I decided to try buffalo sticks by Canine Caviar. I paid my $4.69 for a single stick, and offered Colt a choice between the prime buffalo privates and a $1.00 corn dog from Sonic. And the winner was, battered and fried pig by-products of a questionable nature.

Given the choices, I wonder which one a product testing group would eat. Maybe they would just settle for the day-old fish sticks. Oh, and Dominos, if you stick people in a room to talk about pizza, and there are thousands of cow farts outside, don’t try to tell them they’re in a New York boardroom. You’re not fooling anyone.

Reprinted from The Society Pages

16 thoughts on “Where the Buffalo roam

  1. I once had this dog…he’d eat anything. If there was a used snot rag on the ground, he’d eat it. If you offered him a muffin paper, he’d eat it. He never ate ‘poo’, but I’m pretty sure if there was sugar on it, he might have. Oh, and he LOVED AND ADORED peanut butter (he took after me…teehee)!!!! That was his ultimate favourite.

    As for me, would I put Lysol up my woohoo…ah, I’m going to say no…not unless you paid me a lot of money…I mean, I suppose I can be bought…LOL

    Love the 1950’s Lysol ad…where do they get off??? Why is she alone at night…? Because of her feminine hygiene…honey, if you can smell yourself, it’s called a shower…LOL
    Great blog!

    • Beth–would you want to go down on someone who reeked of Lysol? I wouldn’t. (You know, what we eat influences how we taste, uh, you know…. So if you enjoy oral sex, eat a lot of things that really taste good. Like candy. Butterscotch, maybe?)

  2. Lol! I am NOT putting Lysol on my hooha. Actually sweet fruits are supposed to make you taste better. **Note to self: add fruits to grocery list!

  3. The things you get to writing about, Karla….

    Butterscotch, of course, would be far more welcoming then… Lysol?

    That’s got to be a mockup ad. Tell me it’s a mockup.

    • That is one of many real ads from the 40’s. Lysol started billing itself as a douche in 1928. Scary!

  4. I’ve got THE SAME product that Canine Caviar sells (6 inch Bully Sticks) for sale on eBay for only $1.25 a piece. Our buffalo are all free range and all natural. Just dried buffalo wieners (or other parts if that’s just too much to handle!). Contact me on eBay! Free shipping ends soon!

    • That’s a great price! I need the foot long for my big old guy, but I’ll definitely check it out!

  5. Douching with Lysol is only mildly worse than douching with Coke. You get the old fashioned bottle kind, take the cap off, put your thumb over the hole and shake it up. When it’s ready to explode you stick the bottle neck deep up inside there and let go. It’s supposed to work as birth control. I can’t say that I’ve ever been that desperate.

  6. OMG between the Lysol for feminine hygiene, the cow appendages and the comments above, I’m rolling. Funny stuff. I’m a cat person so I have a whole other list of nasty concerns.
    P.S. And I “used to” like corn dogs!

  7. Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck! I heard about the dried weiners or weiner bits as a part of dog toys. This makes me not want a dog. EW!

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