You’re invited!

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I’m very excited to announce the launch of my first ever humor book, I Never Drove a Bulldozer / There’s a Hole in my Bucket List. We’ll be partying down at my Telega Tales Facebook site.

Set aside Thursday evening, April 11, from 7:00 pm to 10:00 pm EDT for a chance to have  some fun, learn more about my book, give me a pat on the back (not required, but strongly suggested), and win some cool prizes (no, there will not be a pony). You can come and go as you wish during that time. I’ll be sending out Facebook invitations, but I’d love to see you, even if you don’t get one. Just show up – bring your friends!

Hope to see you all there!

Love is in the air

Valentine bookIt can also be found in my closet, right next to my silk camisole and pink flamingo flannel jammies. No, I’m not talking about my shoebox full of sex toys—ribbed for her pleasure. I’m referring to a Valentine’s Day gift that isn’t the same old socket wrench set that you gave him/her last year.

My Funny Valentine is a collection of twisted stories, bad advice, triumphs, and hideous failures, all having to do with the most convoluted of human emotions: love. The contributors are humor award winners, stand-up comics, columnists, and ne’er-do-wells; all students of human nature. I’d like to share a few choice clips: Continue reading

One man’s road kill …

I think it’s safe to say that the average buzzard has a face only a mother could love. They do, however, have one thing in common with a new reality show coming out in January … a love for fluffy little woodland creatures too slow to make it across a busy interstate.

AMC will be airing “Immortalized” as part of their Thursday night line-up. It’s an elimination competition for competitive taxidermy. (No, I’m not making this up). In my upcoming humor book, I extol the virtues of taxidermy as a senior hobby, so I’m justifiably concerned that the show might start a run on glass eyes and epoxy.

I’m trying to envision how the show (which encourages pushing the envelope) might inspire some really macabre examples of the art form. Perhaps a raccoon painting a mural of a garbage dump?

What inspires a person to go into taxidermy? I read about a young woman who decided to take taxidermy to a new level by making jewelry out of various bits and pieces of the buzzard buffet. Mickey has a wonderful sense of humor about her craft, and has graciously given her blessing on sharing this story.

First off, Mickey Alice Kwapis is 22, petite, and adorable … all the things I’m not. She was driving home from a date at 2 a.m. one night, all decked out with hair, make-up, and a mini-skirt when she saw a dead raccoon in the road. She keeps rubber gloves and trash bags in her car for just such occasions. Who doesn’t?

I’m wondering what passing motorists thought when they saw her running down the middle of 10 Mile with a garbage bag, stiletto heels, and a gleam in her eye. (From a story originally printed in The Detroit News.)

I’ve been known to watch America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway, but I’m definitely setting aside 10:00 on Thursday nights for this one-of-a-kind entertainment opportunity. I don’t want to show up at the Senior Center and be the only one without fresh roadkill.

If you’d like to learn more about Mickey’s creations, you can visit The Detroit Academy of Taxidermy. If you’d like to buy some really unusual jewelry, you can find her work at Larkspur Lane Jewelry.

Yuletide Greetings

God rest ye merry ladies and gentlemen. No, really, take a break. It’s been an uneventful year here, aside from marriage, divorce, broken bones, kidnapping by pirates, and home invasions by rabid opossums.

The Mayan apocalypse didn’t happen, unless you count trying to find a parking spot at the mall. The 21st was violently windy here, but not even enough to budge a shingle, let alone bring on the second coming of Christ. Bummer! But tis the season to celebrate the first coming of Christ, which is the whole reason for the candy canes, Christmas cookies, pumpkin pies, and holiday-colored M&M’s. Do we see a pattern forming here?

In the spirit of the season, I’d like to offer a gift to my readers. Now, through January 20 you can go to Smashwords and download any electronic version of Box of Rocks for free, using the coupon code ME64G at checkout. You can also go to Amazon, where the price has been reduced to 99 cents. If you’re giving an ereader to that special someone, please feel free to load it up with some laughter and mayhem.

May your holidays be blessed and filled with love.

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