Back off, I’m a professional

I’m a full time writer, which means that I eat a lot of beans and rice, but that’s a subject for Wednesday’s blog. It also gives me the freedom to stumble around in the morning like I’m blind and drunk. That kind of thing is frowned upon in the workplace.

I spend a lot of time doing social networking, which amounts to farting around and talking to my friends online. I also take a lot of breaks, by which I mean I spend a lot of time organizing my thoughts. I ought to be the most organized person in the free world, but my thoughts beg to differ.

Lately I’ve been gearing up for publishing my first book. That involves stuff like cleaning my desk, buying a cute little baby rolodex, and dieting. That’s what professionals do. Writing? I’m sure I’ll find time for that sooner or later.

Promoting, promoting, promoting. That’s uppermost on my mind lately. How do I get the rest of America, Canada, Great Britain, Australia, … to recognize what a brilliant book they could be buying? OK, what to put in the baby rolodex is also occupying a few brain cells.

Ideally, I’ll find some famous mystery writers to read my book and write glowing reviews. This is what I have so far:

It kept me on the edge of my seat. It had pathos, angst, and excellent laundry tips.

Karla’s mother

Very few spelling errors.

Karla’s best friend

I highly recommend this for people who are bedridden or doing time in prison.

Karla’s sister

Next I need a trailer. A video on you tube is becoming increasingly popular among writers. I’m thinking something like Alfred Hitchock’s The Birds, but with Chihuahuas. I can use the theme from Jaws for the orchestration.

Wow! I should write that in my rolodex before I forget. I’ll file it under U for You Tube. And they say I’m disorganized.