At least I’m Bipedal

You may think that claiming that I can stand erect and walk on two feet is setting the bar kind of low. That’s obviously not my only talent. I assure you, I’m not a one-trick pony. I also have opposable thumbs and reasonably good diction. Continue reading

Are the cookies done Yeti?

I remember my apron in the closet right after I’ve stirred a batch of cookies or finished kneading bread dough. Since I’m not a neat baker, I generally end up with flour all down the front of my fuzzy red bathrobe. The robe emphasizes my wide butt and post menopausal belly, giving the effect of an abominable snowman with a sunburn. And why is it that I always wipe my hands on my butt, leaving big white handprints on my generous ass? Continue reading

Prune in the sun

As we get to the stewed prune for breakfast age, most of us develop less tolerance for the cold: my parents spent half of each year living in Arizona, in the RV which now resides in my daughter’s back yard. Many seniors are opting for retiring in a tropical paradise with a lower cost of living. You too can buy beachfront property for pennies on the dollar in Costa Rica … 25 years ago. Continue reading

Nantucket Sleigh Ride

He threw himself on the ground and started crying loudly and pitifully. I glanced around hoping nobody would run out and accuse me of kicking my puppy. I managed to coax Colt into walking 20 feet for his first time on the leash before we turned back home. That was then. Continue reading

Tall, dark, and thirsty

I blame it on Count Chocula. We teach our daughters from an early age that vampires are the harbingers of chocolate milk and sugar induced comas. Is it any wonder that when hormones kick in, they totally forget that combined with juice, toast, and milk, vampires are part of a nutritious breakfast? Continue reading

It could be worse

My husband prances around the house naked doing his “woo-woo” dance when he wants to entice me into the bedroom. It mainly puts me in the mood to close all the curtains and hope that the neighbors don’t call the police. That would be kind of hard to explain in the annual Christmas letter. Continue reading

Godzilla vs. the Mall

As a rule, I would rather be tied to an ant mound and covered with honey than go Christmas shopping. My shopping trips are normally very focused and carried out with military precision. I locate the item(s) on my list, sprint for the register, and throw money at the confused cashier on my way out the door. Continue reading

I’d like to thank the Academy …

You like me … you really like me! I’ve just been named for The Versatile Blogger Award. Fellow bloggers pass this award along to people who’s blogs they have recently discovered and enjoyed. There are four steps to accepting the award: Continue reading