Maggie rides again

I’m celebrating the release of my new humor book, I Never Drove a Bulldozer. But ever moving on to the next project, I thought I’d share an excerpt from my work in progress, the next in the series of Maggie Gorski mysteries. There’s no keeping a good woman down, or Maggie either.

“Touché,” Maggie cried as she raised her foil into a jaunty salute, then dropped into her stance.

“I believe you mean En Garde.” Cher said.

“I knew that.” Maggie hopped forward as she swung her sword wildly from side to side. Continue reading

Auto recovery

“Thanks for coming out to dinner and listening to me kvetch.” Normally, I can take little annoyances in stride, but yesterday felt like one big marathon of stepping in dog poop. It was all the little things that had me wanting to just squirt lemon juice in my eyes and be done with it. Continue reading

Rite of Spring

Hi, group. My name is Karla and I’m a binge cleaner. *Hi, Karla!* I know, it’s hard to believe, right? My floors can’t remember when they last saw a broom or mop. Cleaning the tub requires dynamite and a pickaxe, and going to the bathroom is like giving bacteria a lap dance. Continue reading

Where’s my brass band?

This is the time of year when non-Philistines try to give up something for Lent. Ok, compared to Ramadan (a month of fasting every day), giving up chocolate or coffee or flossing your teeth for 40 days is for wussies. Just the same, I’d like some kind of reward for my self-deprivation. Continue reading

I *heart* Books Blog Hop

 

blog-hop-tag-3001 Welcome to the I <3 Books Blog Hop! This is my first time participating in a blog hop, so we’ll muddle through it together, have some fun along the way, meet some new authors, and maybe win some prizes. (Please let there be a pony). For those of you unfamiliar with my blog, I write about the trials and absurdities of getting older, one of which is love. Pop a few Valentine chocolates, pull up a rocking chair, and enjoy this excerpt from my upcoming humor book, I Never Drove a Bulldozer / There’s a Hole in my Bucket List. Continue reading

Diets, Derailments, and Dudes

I first met Cheri Thacker through her hilariously funny blog, Crumbsnatcher Tales, where she assumed that I was a creepy stalker spammer. She got two out of three right. I’m thrilled that she agreed to share a post on my site … and drop the restraining order. Please join me in welcoming Cheri.

As the countdown began for Sunday night’s Commercial Bowl, millions of New Year Resolutions perished with the opening kickoff. The hang-over induced diets that began on January 1st came to a screeching halt when the pig-skinned footballs flew during Super Bowl XLVII. Continue reading

Butterflies and unicorns

rainbowshitingunicorn

Space abhors a vacuum. I’m on a campaign to keep a more positive outlook. That leaves me with a challenge. When I look at the harsh realities of life, how do I keep from regurgitating the bile of negativity onto the shoes of the innocent reader? Continue reading

Love is in the air

Valentine book It can also be found in my closet, right next to my silk camisole and pink flamingo flannel jammies. No, I’m not talking about my shoebox full of sex toys—ribbed for her pleasure. I’m referring to a Valentine’s Day gift that isn’t the same old socket wrench set that you gave him/her last year.

My Funny Valentine is a collection of twisted stories, bad advice, triumphs, and hideous failures, all having to do with the most convoluted of human emotions: love. The contributors are humor award winners, stand-up comics, columnists, and ne’er-do-wells; all students of human nature. I’d like to share a few choice clips: Continue reading

We’ll have to see some ID

It’s not easy being in the cool crowd. So many uncool people want to join the club. I once started writing a book called, “Are we on Suck or Blow?” Minds out of the gutters, people. I have skype now, so I can see what you’re thinking. It was intended as a chicken and egg question.

When cool people enter a room, the people around them get a little cooler. So are we sucking all the loser stuff out of the room, or blowing our coolness on others? Modern science has not been able to figure out the cause for this phenomenon. Continue reading

Less bang for your buck

Despite my best wishes for the prosperity of the major health insurance carriers, they don’t return the sentiment. In fact, they seem to be wishing me a lifetime of living under a bridge and eating the Spam that nobody else wants (which pretty much includes all the free world’s supply of this tasty mystery meat product). Continue reading